My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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