accomplished twins. life is a go
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize