the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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