she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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