I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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