I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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