I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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