Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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