i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize