I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize