I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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