What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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