Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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