I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize