i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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