Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
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So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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