I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize