He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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