that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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