My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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