he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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