I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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