Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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