I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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