I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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