i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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