dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize