my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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