I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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