If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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