I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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