dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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