Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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