1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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