If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize