all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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