please come you make the beer taste better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize