I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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