maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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