idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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