Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize