i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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