I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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