you traded sex for a burrito?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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