tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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