words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize