I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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