If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My ass is underappreciated
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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