He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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