hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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